The problem with kidnapping...

I have a perfectly legitimate excuse for not posting this weekend. Christmas celebration Saturday, as well as an after-Christmas sale mall shopping trip. Sunday, church and babysitting for six hour straight. Boom! There you have it. So. I apologize and here I am, posting, albeit a day or two late.

So, this week I let Annabelle's dad "kidnap" her, which isn't as easy as it sounds. When your character never leaves her house and can't barely walk, and the kidnapper isn't actually planning on committing a kidnapping, it's awfully difficult to form a situation in which it actually happens. But, hey, I did it. And now there's the problem of getting her unkidnapped again, which is proposing a whole new set of problems.

Why did I even need to kidnap her in the first place, you might ask? Does this have any sort of relevancy to the basic plot? And, in theory, yes it does. Because through the whole story she's had two main fears. 1) of never getting over Lyme and 2) of her dad finding her. And in every story the character, during the climax, should face his/her greatest fears, correct? So, I'm planning (let's see if it works) to have her face both of those fears simultaneously, hence the reason why I've conducted a kidnapping. (Plus, it happened in the first draft. The one that occurred before I even added Lyme disease in.)

Now my problems are: 1) I can't rescue her too fast, or that part would be useless. 2) I don't know quite what her dad's motivations are (that's always a problem) 3) I want some sort of fairy-tale typical rescue, since that's a reoccurring theme throughout the book 3a) this is sort of a problem since no one knows where she is and she happens to be constantly getting farther away by the moment. Anyone have tips?

In any case, I've started writing this story again after several week's break. Wish me luck!

Nothing much to report...

Still burnt out from NaNoWriMo. So...not much done this week. I finished dating all my previous chapters....wait. That sounded weird. Rephrased: During NaNoWriMo I just started a new page for new chapters. I just finished putting the dates at the top of all of them. I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but I figured that I should put dates at the tops of all the chapters because the story spans two years. That way I don't have to figure out how to integrate a bunch of awkward time transitions. Anyway, that's the extent of my work this week. I'm planning on working on it tomorrow. So excited! I've missed it a lot, as burnt out as I've been.

A couple of random things: 

1. Write This Book by Pseudonymous Bosch is a great writing book. It's simple, but funny and a very creative way to write a "how-to-write" book. 

2. I've designed a few more covers. I'm going to put up a few covers and put another poll on the sidelines. Feel free to vote! 

1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

Have fun! 

This'll be short...

As always, right? Well, this time I have a good excuse. I didn't get any writing done this week. Okay, maybe that's not so good of an excuse. I've got an excuse for that too. Finals. Yes, they're finally over and I can now focus on my writing. Wish me luck! Hopefully I'll have more to report next week. :)

Oh, and I've got a passage to share with you. Observe this and find the symbolism. Isn't it good? She talks about, in previous paragraphs, how her sisters were born at extraordinary times and were named things like Celestial Heavens and whatnot, after the times they were born.

There was the day that I arrived. At noon, on a day in September that could have been either spring or autumn, judging by the blueness of the sky. Or by the temperature, which was neither too hot nor too cold. A quiet, peaceful kind of day. The kind that, at its end, makes you wonder where the time has gone. A day that doesn't feel like a gift until it's done. For it’s only as you're drifting off to sleep that you realize how happy you are, how happy you'd been every moment you were awake.
It was on just such a day as this that I was born....My father bestowed a name he had long cherished: Annabelle, after his own mother...Then, mindful of my mother's feelings, he gave me the name of her mother as well. In this way, I became Annabelle Evangeline, and no sooner had my father proclaimed his that my mother... [announced] that she wished me to be known as Belle. I could...have a...name that...would match the Beauty I would surely become.
Allow me to set something straight at this point. There's nothing actually wrong with the way I look. I have long brown hair that generally does what I ask it to, except on very rainy days when it does whatever it wants. I have eyes of a deep chestnut color that are not set too far from each other so that I appear to look over my own shoulder, nor so close that they appear to be trying to catch each other's glance across the bridge of my nose. And there's nothing wrong with my nose, either, thank you very much. In fact, I have a face that is much like the day on which I was born. It contains neither too much of one thing, nor too little of another. A perfectly fine face. Just not an extraordinary face. 

From Belle by Cameron Dokey

Finally Over

Half an hour before December 1st, I am happy to say that I finished my 50,000 words. The book is by no means close to finished and I haven't even reached the climax, but I got a good chunk written of this book. In fact, that's the most I've ever written in a month. I got to know my character better and wrote a bunch of terrible scenes and some good-ish scenes that I may not have gotten by "regular grown-up means." That was an Anne Lamott quote, by the way. :) Between college classes, family obligations and getting behind nearly 6,000 words at the end, I actually got it done. Thank goodness I don't have a job yet. Which I'm seriously considering getting, because of a reason I'll probably post on my normal blog soon, once I've actually have time to post, which I'm hoping will be tomorrow after my exam...and practical.

Now that it's over, though, I'm finding, I lack the motivation to write. Maybe it's because I just wrote fifty-stinkin-thousand words and I'm all worn out. Maybe it's because now I don't have a goal. Maybe it's just because of finals this week. I'm literally taking an exam every other day and studying the days in between. Thus is the reason this is a short post, because I've got to study my butt off for two tests tomorrow. So much fun, right? What every the reason is, I'll overcome it and hopefully by the end of Christmas break, I'll be done. We'll see, though, won't we. Pray for me!

Last race to the end!

I've got my music. I've got my milk and cookies. I've got my candle and I've got my prayers. I'm preparing for my mad dash to the finish line. My sisters have already crossed it and I'm plodding along behind, delayed by such roadblocks as schoolwork, finals, procrastination, writer's block and days when I didn't do any writing.

I'm tired, I'll say that. This story has been exhilarating and exhausting. Oh, it'll need major rewriting. I've developed this habit over the course of the last month of closing my eyes and letting my fingers fly without letting me know what they're typing. So, quite honestly, much of what's happened this month is largely unknown to me. I know for a fact though, that it's terrible. Terrible writing. Generic verbs. Adjectives galore. Whiny characters. Oh, heaven help us! In the words of Anne Lamott:

"The whole thing would be so long and incoherent and hideous that for the rest of the day I'd obsess about getting creamed by a car before I could write a decent second draft. I'd worry that people would read what I'd written and believe the accident had really been a suicide, that I had panicked because my talent was waning and my mind was shot."

I'll fix it though. All bestselling novels began like this. Climax is drawing near. Soon. Soon.

Don't be silly. I have a plot. I just need to
figure out how to execute it in an
 inspiring way. A way that does justice to
 the real story. That's my problem...

I want to put a couple quotes about writing on here, to inspire those of you who are like me and are putting everything in them toward that finish line.

"What one writer can make in the solitude of one room is something no power can easily destroy." --Salman Rushdie

"The goal, I suppose, any fiction writer has, no matter what your subject, is to hit the human heart and the tear ducts and the nape of the neck and to make a person feel something about what the characters are going through  and to experience the moral paradoxes and struggles of being human." --Tim O'Brien

"For a true writer, each book should be a new beginning where he tries again for something that is beyond attainment. He should always try for something that has never been done or that others have tried and failed. Then sometimes, with great luck, he will succeed." --Ernest Hemingway 

"I am not a consecutive writer." --Dr. Seuss

"As a writer, one of the things I've always been interested in doing is actually invading your comfort space. Because that's what we're supposed to do. Get under your skin, and make you react." --Stephen King 

"The writer has to force himself to work. He has to make his own hours and if he doesn't go to his desk at all, there is nobody to scold him." --Roald Dahl

"A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer." --Karl Kraus

"A writer uses a pen instead of a scalpel or blow torch. --Michael Ondaatje

"A writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His problem is to find that location." --Flannery O'Connor

"A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom." --Roald Dahl

"Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him." --Mel Brooks

"All the writing elements are the same. You need to tell a good story... You've got good characters... People think there's some dramatic difference between writing 'Little Bear' and the 'Hunger Games,' and as a writer, for me, there isn't." --Suzanne Collins

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." --Dr. Seuss

"To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap." --Colin Mochrie

"You can mope and cry all you want, but it won't help you write a better novel." --Gilbert Blythe 

 

 Come on! Let's do this thing! We can do it. 

So behind

I'm so behind, so this is going to be short, so I can actually write. I'm just about to introduce God into my character's life, because she's getting discouraged and she won't have the strength to carry through the rest of the journey otherwise. So, this will be a lot of fun. I should be at 36,666 words today and I'm at 32,600. Pray that I get in my extra 4,000 words that I need. Wish me luck!

*cringe* this is 3-4 days late

Okay, so I'm the terriblest blogger ever. And yes, I's a writer and I's knows my grammar and my vocabulary, and terriblest is a word. (not really) I think I might be going just a little bit crazy. No seriously. Okay. Maybe not. But crazy people don't know they're crazy. I know I'm crazy, therefore, I'm not crazy. Isn't that crazy. (Jack Sparrow, anyone?)

Don't forget school,
homework and school.
Oh, and wait! School!

Ooooohhhhhh....I'm so tired. Guess what all decided to happen in the month of November. Thanksgiving and...wait for it...finals! Yay, right? Well, in all technicality finals aren't in November, but they are in the first week of December. Or is it the second? I don't know. I'm tired. In any case, I've got to be studying my butt off to make sure I actually pass them. I've got a four page paper due (I know it's not a lot, but I haven't even started on it and it's due next Monday. Heck, I don't even know hardly anything about my subject.) Biology has been taking up all my time. I'm supposed to have memorized 65 muscles by tomorrow. I was supposed to do them at the beginning of the semester and *ahemdon'ttellmyprofessor* I only know about half of them. It's not a problem of where they are. Oh, no that's easy. I've also got to memorize the technical name of where they insert on both ends, some of which have three or four each. And I've got to memorize what they do, which often also have three or four different answers. All that to say, I'm behind on my word count. I'm consistantly 3000-3500 words behind. For example, I have 3500 to get in one day. I do 2000. Okay, so I've got 1500 to do tomorrow. But wait, I've got an extra 1700 to write on top of that. So I'm now at 3200 the next day. It feels like I'm treading water and going nowhere.

Anyone struggle with procrastination?
Ooh, look I haven't blogged this week
like I'm supposed to. *ahem*

You might be able to easily tell I'm in the middle of NaNo. The part where you ramble on for pages on end just to meet your depleted word count. The part where you can't go back and edit, because you'll end up reading all 160 pages before you get to writing and who knows how long that will take. So...forgive me for my rambling.

I diagnosed my character finally. 120 pages into the novel, I finally diagnosed her. I have a feeling that half of my novel is going to have to be removed at the end of NaNo. I'm writing so many pointless scenes. My character also keep repeating herself with I-suppose-es and I-can't-seem-to-s
and I-wish-I-didn't-have-to-blah-s as well as way to many adjectives, -ly words and cliche descriptions like 'good' and 'nice.' It's getting on my nerves quite honestly.

The thing I'm struggling with most is coming up with plot points. In my interview with Bekah, she even told me, "Lyme disease is really boring." Think about it: you've lost mobility and you can't be around a lot of people. You can hardly even move. And that's my problem. I'm having trouble with making a interesting story out of this. B
ecause even if having the disease is boring, your readers can't be. And the story, itself, isn't boring at all, just the little in between parts. Like having to lay in bed for a month watching TV. Every scene is supposed to push your story forward in some way. Laying in bed isn't doing anything for the plot. A lot of it has to be dialogue and inner thoughts.

So, needless to say, this story is hard. I'm hoping to publish it once I'm done, though, so I'm pushing through. Because the point of this story is written to be read. I mean, most stories are, but this one more than others I've written. Because I'm writing it to make a difference and if no one can read it, there's no difference made. So...yeah. It's my battle. And I'm going to fight it bravely. Or maybe not so bravely. :)

Lastly, I need help: My character's dad needs to stalk her and eventually take her. I don't know what his motivation is, though. That's a problem, right? Could she maybe have seen him do something illegal that could send him back to jail so he's trying to make sure she doesn't call the police on him? If so, what could she catch him doing? Ideas anyone?

So, I'll let you go about your day. Pray for my sanity. :P

First week of NaNo

So, first week of NaNo. This was interesting. :) I have 10,600ish words so far. That was a third of my goal for last year. It's been a really up and down first week. 

Midnight, November 1st: lit a candle, made some tea and cranked out 3,000 words. Later that day I got in another 1,000 words in a kickoff party my writer's group had. 

November 2nd: Fairly normal. I had a practical and school, so all of the writing I did, I had to do in the morning. 

November 3rd: Lost my head start. Only wrote 400 words. 

November 4th: Somehow I got 2,000 even though I had school that day. 

November 5th: Got another 2,000 be cause every Thursday our writer's group goes to one of our houses, sits around the table, drinks tea, eats scones or cookies or mini pumpkin pies (those were good) and writes their heart out. 

November 6th: Nothing

November 7th: I've gotten all of 500 words down. 

 This scene I'm writing is absolutely worthless, but if I discard it, I loose everything I did today. Blegh. So not in the writing mood today. Which is kind of weird. I'm being the procrastinator we all know me to be. :) See, I even won a procrastination badge!

I'll give you a sample of my thought process today: 

'Okay. Gonna write.' Opens document. 'Nothing's happening.' Opens NaNoWriMo. 'Maybe I can word war. Okay. Going in at :45.' Writes for fifteen minutes. 'Only 274 words. Seriously? That's the best I can do. This scene is useless. I need to delete it. But it's in my outline, so I can't. Dang. I need a shower. Ooh! I wonder how I can start a thread in the forums. I have something I want to post.' Spends the next forty-five minutes trying to figure it out. Spends fifteen minutes actually posting in the forum. 'Ooh, ooh. There's one of my old books. I'm going to read it.' Reads through the next hundred pages. 'I don't like this part. I need to go clean my room. It's a mess.' Goes upstairs and spends two hours cleaning the room. 'I'm going to organize my PJ bin. It's spilling out all over the place.' Organizes PJ bin. 'Oh, I should probably clean out my closet. Mom and Dad wanted me to bring my hope chest upstairs so it's not in the walkway.' Cleans closet and brings hope chest up. 'I need to do my sheets too.' Strips my sheets and puts them in the wash. Sits down at the computer again. 'I'll try another word war. Just five minutes this time. Going it at :25. This scene is useless, but who cares? Still churning out words. 95 words? That's pathetic. Oh, look there's my blog. And it's Saturday. I need to post.' 

And here you find me. Some how I managed 500 words, though I can't really see how...

Anyway. This story's chugging along. It's not the story it's me. I'm just not in the mood right now. Maybe I will go and take a shower. I'm babysitting in a half hour. I have time. Hmm.... I have an idea. I'll make this productive and brainstorm in the shower. That's an idea. Okay, well, I'm out. Wish me luck!  

 Sort of...

Understand

Sorry for that delay. I think part of my problem for this post is that it's so difficult to put in words what I'm feeling right now. A lot of you writers know this: that words are so inadequate to get a feeling across. But I'll try, so here goes...

I'm sure I'll never quite grasp the pain Bekah had to go through while battling Lyme. But I think I may be beginning to. I've intensively read most of her posts from the time of her diagnosis to the time of her healing and I've been putting my character into her situation. Now those insane writers out there know this, that characters are a part of your heart. Like your baby. Your word baby. So, putting her through this lets me grasp the pain and the heartache it took for Bekah to get through this. I'm drained from simply outlining this story and I haven't even started writing yet. I mean, I don't even know if I'd survive if I were put in her situation.

This is an amazing story and I just hope I end up telling it right. :)

I would suggest going to her blog, here, and reading her story.

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) starts at midnight tonight and I'm going to bed early (hopefully) and getting up at midnight to write like the wind. I'm ready to get all these stinkin' words out on the page. Wish me luck! :)

I'm going to try and figure out how to post a widget on the sidebar to track my progress as I enter it into NaNoWriMo.

Here's to NaNo!

Can't Kill Me

Pain

I’m gonna fight.

Pills for pain; pills to kill what’s killing me

Pain

I’m gonna fight

Inhaling hurts; exhaling hurts

Pain

I’m gonna fight

Can’t walk; can’t run; can’t barely eat

Pain

I’m gonna fight

I’m taking me back.

I’m gonna fight through the pain

Through the tears

Through the lonely

I’m gonna fight

Because it can’t kill me

Pain

Can’t kill me

Tears

Can’t kill me

Lonely

Can’t kill me

Pills

Can’t kill me

No matter how hard they try

Courage through pain

Finding me

Copyrighted to Hannah De

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry, everyone. I was supposed to post Saturday and I swear, I did try. I sat down twice to do it and got interrupted or...ahem...distracted. I'll try to post after my exam on Wednesday. Should be a slight rest after that!

Update: I'm just waiting until Saturday. I've got things to do. :) And it's so close. Until then!

Sunsets and Fairytales: Guest post by Annabelle Greyson

I used to watch the sun set over the mountains from the window of my dad's bedroom. It was the only room that had a window that faced the mountains. I knew he would explode if he found me there, but I couldn't help the hope that rose up in me when I watched the colors undulate across the ridge. I'd watch until that last piece of sun sunk behind the stones on top of the mountains. It was magical. I wondered if somewhere out in that vast expanse of forest and rocks, was a prince charming out there who would save me. I'd go over in my mind what princess I'd be. It grounded me to repeat the procedure in my mind. It was something familiar. 

Sleeping Beauty was surrounded by a brier of thorns to keep out of evil. What would I have given for that kind of protection. 

Snow White was kind to everyone. I'd never been given the chance to be kind to everyone. No one was ever kind to me. Dad told me I was disobedient and in my mind that was the opposite of kind, so that discounted Snow White. 

Cinderella's father died. As cruel and gruesome as it sounded, I used to wish I had that kind of luck. 

Belle's father loved her. And she loved him. The only similarity was the dead mother. I used to fantasize that maybe I could be Belle, since our names are similar. Annabelle and Belle. It made sense. But all too soon, I realized that my life was nothing like Belle's. Plus, she was beautiful, and all I heard every day was that I was ugly. 

I wished I had the courage to be the mermaid who ran away from her father and found the love of her life. She was who I aspired to, but never really thought I'd become. 

Rapunzel was the one I finally settled on every time. Because Rapunzel was trapped. Because Rapunzel had no way out of her life. And maybe someday I would get my wish. Maybe someday a prince would come and fall in love with me and rescue me. 

Sometimes I still do that, watch the mountains, while I'm too sick to move. I pull the hope out of that sight, even if I don't know where that hope comes from. I repeat the procedure in my mind. In some ways I still am trapped, but someone once told me to focus on the future and not dwell on the fact that I can't walk and that my Lyme keeps me from doing most things. I think of things I'm thankful for: 

- inspiration to write

- Brenden - my prince :) 

- my mom

- church - even if I don't believe in God yet, that place always gives me peace when my anxiety gets the better of me. 

- blogging

- fairy tales

I make the list longer and longer and push out the things that make me panic. It's going to be okay. 

 Brenden gave me a plaques saying this for Christmas one year and I hold onto it... Never too late.

This life would kill me if I didn't have you. Couldn't live without you, baby. Wouldn't want to.                                                                                                                                                                                        If I didn't have You by: Thompson Square

~ Annabelle Greyson

Note: These ideas are copyrighted to Hannah De. Thanks!

Spoons...

Spoons? Well...that doesn't make sense, does it? Spoons... You're probably trying to follow my train of thought and are thinking I've finally gone batty. (Well, maybe I have a little, but that's beside the point.) This spoon thing I'm talking about is totally legitimate. 

Here's the link, since it says at the end that I'm not allowed to replicate it or anything of the sort: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Read it. Lyme disease is one of those chronic illnesses where this is relevant. It accurately depicts the strength required for those chronically ill.

Same status on Lyme-Aid: Once Upon a Fantasy as I have decided to call it unless a better suggestion rides past my brain. Still working on an outline and filling in spots between my known scenes.

And the hardest part was letting go. Not taking part was the hardest part...I could feel it go down, bittersweet. I could taste in my mouth, silver lining the cloud...I wish that I could work it out... Everything I do, it's just come undone. And everything is torn apart.                                                                                              -The Hardest Part by: Coldplay 

P.S. I'll have you know this was published on Saturday. Two minutes before midnight. :)

Book covers

Swing left. Swing right. Bruised and black-eyed. Half alive. Bleeding. Choking. But not broken inside. Somehow through it all I'll stand still undefeated...You can knock me down with body blows, but you cannot break my hope.                                                                                                                                                          ~Undefeated by: Daughtry 

I'm working on an outline for this story at the moment. My mom bought Scrivener, so...yay! I'm preparing for NaNoWriMo. I'm going to attempt to do the 50,000 word goal, which will only work if I can't get stuck. Thus, the outline. Last year I wrote half that, so....yeah. We'll see how that goes with college and all. Wish me luck.

I don't have a ton to post on, since I haven't had a lot of time to write. :'( Sometimes I don't like growing up.

A thought, before I go: One thing I've been noticing about writing this book is the power of names. The lies my character believes are solely based on names she's been called in her past. People tend to slap a word on your forehead before they've even met you. Everyone has been called a name. Whether it be good or bad. It affects the way we think about ourselves.

I'm going to post a bunch of book covers and you can vote on which ones you like in a poll I'll put to the side. I know a lot of them are the same-ish. Comment and tell me why you picked which ones you picked. :)

1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

No post

Okay, so REALLY sorry about no post. I never got around to it on the weekends and now I'm working my butt off to study for an exam I have tomorrow, so...I'll post next Saturday or Sunday. Super sorry.

Guest Post from Annabelle Grayson

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Annabelle. She was born out of wedlock and although her parents stayed together for the first few years of her life, she always had a sense of not belonging. Like she wasn't supposed to be on this earth. It didn't help that her parents fought constantly. Over her father's drinking problem. Over the fact that her mother was attending college, even though both of them knew they didn't have the money. Over Annabelle - what school she'd go to when she was old enough, what she should be when she grew up, who would get her when her mother finally made good on her threat and left. And it wasn't as if both of them wanted her. Neither of them wanted the burden of a five-year-old girl as they continued on with their respective lives.

Her mother finally left, leaving Annabelle with an angry, alcoholic father. Although he had never expressed violence, the anger of his girlfriend leaving him pushed him into worse and he began to beat her. Sometimes it would be days between beatings, and other times he would hit her twice in a day. There would be days he hit her so hard she threw up. There would be days she had to call someone to take her to the hospital because he broke something inside her. There would be days when she didn't think she was going to make it.

She began to panic. Every time she thought of him, her heart rate would speed, the room would close and she would begin to cry. Every time he opened the door and slurred her name. Every time someone asked her about her family. She didn't dare tell anyone what was happening. She didn't want to discover what he would do to her if she turned him in.

It was a teacher who gave her the idea. She made an offhand comment of how stories helped some people process life. And Annabelle wondered if that would change the panic attacks she kept having. Her only real example of stories was a collection of old fairy tales her mother had left, so she began to make up her own, making herself the princess, her problems the dragons and her life an enchanted fairy-world where she could invent princes and fairy-godmothers to save her from whatever means she invented.

She made her princess-self the opposite of the names her father called her, names she knew were true. The princess wasn't worthless or ugly or a coward. She was a beautiful, brave girl who could do whatever she put her mind to.

And it worked. She stopped panicking. Her problems were manageable.

She was nine before anything happened. Her rescue came in the form of her new neighbor, a middle-aged man, who was the first one to care about the screaming and shouting he heard from the run-down apartment. He pulled Annabelle aside on her way to school and asked her if everything was okay at home. Annabelle hesitated, remembering the way her father threatened her on the subject of getting help. He would never need to know it was her though. There wasn't any way he could hurt her if he was arrested. So she told the man and whispered for him to please call the police, but to not breathe a word about getting the information from her.

She was pulled out of school early by two police officers and her father was arrested that afternoon. But right before he was shoved into the police car he gave her a look that said that he wasn't done with her and that he would get her back no matter what. The authorities found her mother and Annabelle moved in with her.

So, this part of my story really isn't worth telling, but the author of my story wanted me to write a post concerning my backstory. And don't worry. There's more. And there's hope in the end. It wasn't easy writing this. That's why it's in fairy tale format. It's still the only way I can handle things. Even now, seven years after his arrest. Sorry about that. Feel free to comment.

~Annabelle Greyson

Author's note: All the ideas here are copyrighted to Hannah De

Lime-Aid

I don't have a ton to update on. Once Upon a Fantasy is at 7,000 words at the moment. I'm not much further in the story then I was last week when I posted. College and all that. :)

Okay, I need an opinion. Emma suggested changing the name to Lime-Aid or maybe Lyme-Aid. What do you think?

And, since, once again I don't have much to post, I'm going to post the lyrics to a song that totally personifies this story.

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep. Everybody's worried about me. In too deep...I'm in too deep. It's been two years and I miss my home. There's a fire burning in my bones. I still believe...All those words I didn't say. The wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight. Can you hear my voice this time?... This is my fight song. Take-back-my-life song. Prove-I'm-alright song. My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song. And I don't really care if nobody else believes. Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me.                                                                                                                                                                      ~Fight Song by: Rachel Platten 

Dancing

So, I'm on chapter six of this crazy rewrite and loving it all the more. Just about to get to the part where Annabelle gets worse all the sudden. I'm loving this book so much more than any of my other books, so...that's good, right?

Also, good news: I got permission to use all the unique parts of Bekah's story. So it'll be a halfway based-on-a-true-story story with those little unique details.

Since everything is going smoothly and as planned, I don't have a lot to say. So, I'm going to leave you with a poem my character wrote.

I Just Want to Dance by: Annabelle Greyson

My knees give way
My legs are weak
Will you hold me?
Can you help me through?

Because although
my body protests,
I just
want to
dance.

First person

Okay, so sorry for missing yesterday. Apologies all over the place.

That said, let's get to the point. An update:

I haven't written all that much this week, due to growing up and having to do college and all that. Sometimes growing up stinks because you don't always have time to do things you love the most. But, I did get a little smidgen of writing done on Once Upon a Fantasy and, after reading three first person stories in a row and doing an interview with Brenden (last week's post), I've decided that I think I like the story better in first person present. So, starting to revise all 20,000 words...yeah, it's taking a little time. But I'm enjoying it, because I love Annabelle so much better now. And plus, like I said in an earlier post, I realized that I have a whole bunch to add about Lyme that I was starting to think I couldn't do without a rewrite. So...here we go!

What's your favorite POV to write in? Tense? 

And...will you judge and tell me which is better, before I do the whole story this way. :)

New: 

            Sometimes I wish I could disappear.

            Sometimes I wish I could cry without looking like a cowardly idiot.

            Always I wish I didn’t have my life.

            I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach by Dad, something he used to do frequently before he was arrested. I can’t breathe. I may as well have been running a mile, that’s how my voice comes out. “But he wasn’t supposed to be released until—”

            “I know,” Mom interrupts, covering my shaking hands. “They released him early. It shouldn’t be a problem.” She makes an effort to meet my eyes. I refuse to look at her.

            “He hates me.” My voice cracks a bit. I’m not going to cry.

            Mom pats my hands. “It’ll be okay, Annabelle. We’ll stay away from him and he’ll stay away from us. We have a restraining order. The police are protecting us. We’ll be okay.”

            I swallow against my closing throat. “You don’t understand.”

            “You’re perfectly safe, sweetheart.” She stands and grabs her briefcase from the tabletop. “I’m late for work. I’ll see you tonight, don’t worry about this. I love you.” She kisses my cheek and leaves me at the table, completely wrecked.

Original: 

            “Honey...your dad is...has been released from jail.” Mom made an obvious effort to meet Annabelle's eyes.
            Annabelle felt like she'd been punched in the stomach by Dad, something he used to do frequently before he was arrested. She couldn't breathe properly. She may as well have been running for a mile, that’s how her voice came out. “But he wasn’t supposed to be released until-”

            “I know,” she interrupted, setting the phone on the table and covered Annabelle's shaking hands. “They released him early. It shouldn't be a problem,” she said softly. The kitchen light cast shadows on her face.

            She wanted to cry. But she couldn't. Not here. “He hates me.” Her voice cracked a bit. She wasn't going to cry.
            Mom patted her hands. “It'll be okay, sweetheart. We'll stay away from him and he'll stay away from us. We have a restraining order. The police are protecting us. We'll be okay.”
            Annabelle swallowed against her closing throat. “You don't understand.”
            “You're perfectly safe, Annabelle.” She stood and grabbed her briefcase from the tabletop. “I'm late for work. I'll see you tonight. Don't worry about this. I love you.” She kissed Annabelle's cheek and left her at the table, feeling shell-shocked.

Interview with Brenden

***Note: I'm planning on posting an update once a week, on Saturdays.

Okay, so...I've taken a little pause on Once Upon a Fantasy on accounts of the fact that school starts on Monday and I told my mom that I'd be finished editing Dawn by the end of the summer...Yikes. Still have 100 pages left to edit and I'm getting bored. That's never good, right? I suppose it's because I've read this scene half a million times because I love it so much and now I don't love it as much because I've read it a half a million times.

So, earlier last week I was feeling as though my characters needed to get to know each other better, so I conducted an interview. I'll paste the interview with Brenden and if you have any more questions for him, post them and I'll tell him to answer them for you. Have fun!

Okay, so let’s get some background. Give us your name, you’re age and where you go to school.

So, my name is Brenden Hollenby and I’m sixteen, almost seventeen. (I know that makes me sound like a toddler, rounding my age like that.) I go to school at Pine Creek High School in Colorado Springs.

Why do you think your parents named you what you did? Include your middle name as well.

Okay, so my middle name is David, and I think it means loved. At least that’s what my mom told me. She said that they named me this because Brenden means prince and Mom liked that because I’m a child of God and the name was symbolic to her.

Do you like your name?

Yes. I like the symbolism and plus it just fits me.

How would you describe yourself, personality wise?

That’s kind of a trick question, because it could end up sounding vain. *smiles* Okay, let’s see…I’m outgoing. I like talking to people and getting them to come out of their shells. It’s amazing what happens when you take the time to just talk to someone. I’m generally optimistic. Sometimes overly so. I like laughing…I can’t think of anything else at the moment.

You say you like to talk to people. Do you have any specific instances about people ‘coming out of their shells’ that stick out to you?

Most of my friends I actually met that way, but the one that sticks out to me most, is Annabelle. I’m convinced God put her in my path, because she really needed someone. She told me that she didn’t have any friends. Part of that was her fault, because she didn’t make the effort to talk to people. She claimed she couldn’t carry a conversation. But part of it was simply circumstance. She had anxiety, which made her afraid to meet new people and her dad was in prison which gave students the wrong impression about her. I’d actually noticed her before because she’s in a couple of my classes and she’s pretty. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I had a little crush on her. Not fully, because I didn’t really know her, but she was kind of pretty and smart, and super quiet, which really appealed to me, because, like I said, I like bringing people out of their shells. Anyway, I came into the school by a different door to avoid this girl who kept flirting with me. (Again, I’m convinced this was a God-thing, because that girl never gave me a second glance after that day.) I was going through the halls and I saw this guy from school named Conrad, yelling at Annabelle and calling her names, telling her she was ugly. She wasn’t saying anything, but she looked absolutely terrified and like she really wanted to say something. And I felt like God told me to go over and help her. It wasn’t like a voice or anything, just a very strong impression, which I’ve learned usually is God. So, I’m arguing with God in my head, like, seriously, God? I’m going to be late for class and I really don’t want to get in trouble. Conrad is hugely bigger than me and I’m pretty sure that if I get in a fight with him I’m going to epically lose. But, He kept pushing and so I finally did something, even though I was scared out of my wits. I wish I’d done something  sooner, because when I finally got up the courage, he’d tripped her and her books went everywhere and I’m pretty sure it hurt her tailbone as well, just judging by the way she fell. I basically diverted his attention away from her and told him to leave her alone, which sounded extremely cliché, but I didn’t exactly care. She looked up at me, like she totally didn’t expect for someone do anything about her situation. The look she gave me made me wonder how long she’d been bullied. I had to hit him, but I swear, it was in self-defense. Before he could do anything to either of us, I grabbed her elbow and led her away until I figured we were safe, since the hall was crowded with teachers as well as students. I asked her if she was okay, introduced myself and everything. It was an extremely brief conversation and right as the bell rang I remembered what Conrad had said about her being ugly and I told her she wasn’t ugly. It was extremely awkward, but that’s another thing about me. I tend to say awkward things, if it will improve the situation or benefit someone. It was awkward, but I said it and I’m pretty sure she had tears in her eyes as she thanked me. After that, I went out of my way to talk to her, fairly sure that God wanted me to. I just could sense that she needed someone to talk to. I didn’t have anyone else to talk to anyway. I mean, I had friends here and there, but none that specifically went out of their ways to talk to me. As time went on, she began to talk to me more about herself and her family and I began to see that she really had needed someone.

Why do you say that she really needed someone?

I didn’t learn until nearly eight months later, but her dad had been released out of jail the exact day I defended her. She told me that she had an anxiety attack later that day because of it and that me talking to her every day grounded her through everything that happened.

Did other things happen to her that she needed you for?

She got sick and was eventually diagnosed with Lyme disease which is a disease that you specifically have to fight with will. She told me that she wouldn’t have had enough fight in her to defeat the disease if it hadn’t been for me, which is totally awesome, since I was only doing what God had told me. And her dad began to stalk her, which was really creepy, but it freaked her out all the more and gave her anxiety which allows the Lyme to progress.

What is your favorite and least favorite characteristic that you possess?

Hmm….Favorite would probably be that I’m not afraid to talk to people and that brings a lot of adventures, I guess you’d say, and different cool stories. Least favorite is probably that I’m extremely afraid of sickness, like it’s probably one of my only fears. And I hate it because it makes it hard to act natural around people I love who are sick, which in turn makes them feel like an outcast, which I don’t want at all.

Did something happen that made you so afraid of sickness?

Yeah. So, it all happened at once in 2014. First it was my grandpa. So, he’d never been healthy, but he was real leery of doctors and the like. It wasn’t until he began to have severe pain that he went into the doctor and they found that he’d had cancer for years and it had progressed to far to do anything. He died at the beginning of the year within a month or so of his diagnosis. Second, I had a childhood friend, someone I’d known since we were like, three. We’d lost touch over the years and one day my mom told me that he had some sort of terminal disease. I got back in contact with him for maybe six months and really got to know him before he died. I hope I did something to encourage him in that time. And last was Jared. *Sigh* He…Him, me and Barry met in kindergarten and were basically best friends all the way through high school. We went on a missions trip to Africa. He was on a medication to keep him from getting sick, but he must have gotten a weird strain of malaria, because the medicine didn’t stop it. It attacked his brain and he died within a few days. It definitely wasn’t easy.

After that year did your faith falter at all?

Um…sort of, but not really. So, I never doubted the existence of God or his benevolence or any of that. I just didn’t understand why everything was happening and I wanted to see what God’s plan was and I couldn’t.

How did you deal with that question?

I talked to my parents…a lot. They told me some things that I actually ended up telling to Annabelle when she asked me the same question.

What did they tell you?

They told me the story of Joseph, where he had things happen to him for nearly seventeen years before he figured out what God’s plan was. So I’ve learned to be patient and trust God, even I can’t see what he’s doing.

Looking back over the past few years, have you been able to see a plan?

Somewhat. I believe God’s plans are complex enough that there are several reasons why any one thing happens. But I suppose I have seen different things that have resulted from his death. Annabelle, is one thing. I probably wouldn’t have met her if he’d still been alive, because we always walked to school together and we always got there early. We probably would have been in class before anything had happened with Annabelle. And even if I had been there when she was being bullied, I probably wouldn’t have noticed her. And even if I had noticed her and helped her, I probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to talk to her, because I already had friends. We had all our breaks together.

What is your deepest regret?

That’s easy. The old family friend who died. I told you we got back in touch right before he died. I was always too afraid to tell him about what I believed and I wasn’t sure if he knew. He died and I was left wishing that I had the courage to at least make sure I knew what he believed.

What was his name?

Julian

Who do you value the most now? Why?

I love my family a lot, definitely. But outside of family, Annabelle. I’m actually planning on proposing to her after this. And why…do I need a reason to love someone?

No, I suppose not, but what about this? What qualities does she have that you admire?

As much as she told me she was a coward, she’s probably the bravest person I know. Having anxiety and being afraid doesn’t make you a coward. I mean, she went through her parents divorcing, her dad abusing her for five years, being bullied, getting Lyme disease and defeating it. She has aftereffects, sure, but she’s still living in a way she should be. She’s got the most adorable laugh. She is smart. She can cook really well. There are a lot more, but I think I’ll stop there, because I’ll go on forever. *smiles*

What kind of people annoy you the most? Why?

People think that they’re better than everyone else. Or people who hurt people just for fun. Or people who are completely detached from the world.

Anymore questions? Post them below! Or conduct your own interview and post it.

Blog Readers, These are the Gibsons

Okay, so I know I'm, like, the most horrible writer blogger, but I've got another blog that I devote most of my time and energy to. Click here, if you want to learn more. So, sorry to all my non-existant followers. (Actually, for your information, I've got a grand total of 2 followers and *coughcough* both of them are my sisters. Love you, Emma and Abby. ;) So, apologies aside, I'll start on what I actually came here to post.

In honor of an amazing couple from my former church, there has been a new twist in Once Upon a Fantasy.
Before I say anything, though, I want you to meet these people.

I'd like to introduce Tanner and Rebekah Gibson. Here is a little background on them:

Bekah has had Lyme disease since she was a baby, but never knew it until three years ago. She had just been unhealthy her whole life. She met Tanner and they got married. Four months later, Bekah's Lyme got worse, due to the stress of arranging a wedding. She went from doctor to doctor to specialist until she was finally diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease. She underwent treatment for around two years. The medicine caused her to develop a "herx reaction" which basically put the bacteria into her blood stream and gave her a lot of terrible symptoms. Through a series of antibiotics and painful symptoms as well as emotional symptoms, and a couple of moments when she thought she wasn't going to make it, through prayer she pulled through. Tanner has Lyme as well, and is currently responding well to treatment. I actually don't know a lot about him, since I just learned of his diagnosis. This story is so so so complicated and you can read all of it here, on Bekah's blog.

So, needless to say, they've inspired me. My character is going to go through Chronic Lyme Disease - which is a very controversial disease, as many doctors won't treat it. Google it. :) - to help raise awareness for this and hopefully help the many other people with this disease identify with Annabelle and let them know they're not alone...that is if I ever get to publishing it, which will be my goal. I like this story better than my last six. A lot better.

So, Once Upon a Fantasy, is currently under major construction, because I wrote half the book before I interviewed Bekah and figured out that I had several MAJOR points wrong. I'm getting there, though. Pray that I can get through this stage and that this story will inspire people!

Voice

Voice is always this really vague concept that authors throw at you. Kind of like voice is something no one know how to harness and no one knows how to explain, but once you find it you'll know. There are a couple of things I've found that I can associate with voice.

Changing cliches to fit how your character would see it: 

This one is from the point of view from a twenty-three year old woman:

My heart is beating so hard I think I might break my bra strap.  -- Paige Torn by: Erynn Mangum

See how she did that? Taking the simple, overused, highly-necessary description of the heart beating when scared and added the breaking-of-the-bra-strap detail to make it fresh and different.

Little details that only your character would notice: 

This is from the same book, same character.

I was watching Flynn Anderson--who had no similarity to Flynn Rider from Tangled--wrestle with our copier. -- Paige Torn by: Erynn Mangum

Not everyone would associate the name Flynn to a movie. It's just the way Paige interprets things.

Take your character's age into mind: 

This is from To Kill a Mockingbird, in which the main character is an eight year old girl:

Mr. Avery was red in the face from a sneezing spell and nearly blew us off the sidewalk when we came up. --To Kill a Mockingbird by: Harper Lee 

The way she said it gave you an idea of her age, considering that she's small and tends to over-exaggerate things. 

Using similes based on events that only in your story: 

This is from To Kill a Mockingbird, too, in which the Radleys are people who never come out of their house:

Every wood door in the neighborhood was shut as tight as the doors of the Radley Place. --To Kill a Mockingbird by: Harper Lee

 This one is referring to a person she thinks is incredibly uninteresting:

This thing has more personality than Peter and his parents combined. -- Paige Torn by: Erynn Mangum

Dialect: 

I asked her why the roads were red and she said she didn't know and for pity's sake, not to ask her anymore questions. -- Anne of Green Gables (the movie)

I imagined how it would be: when it happened, he'd just be sitting in the swing when I came along. "Hidy do, Mr. Arthur," I would say, as if I had said it every afternoon of my life. "Evening, Jean Louise," he would say, as if he had said it every afternoon of my life, "right pretty spell we're having isn't it?" "Yes sir, right pretty" I would say and go on. -- To Kill a Mockingbird by: Harper Lee

Once Upon a Fantasy

I'm working on a new story currently called Once Upon a Fantasy.

Annabelle is worthless. That's the only reason she can come up with for why her life is the way it is. She's never quite healthy. She was formerly abused by her dad who has just been released from prison. She's virtually ignored at home. She's bullied. She has no friends at school.

Her only consolation is the collection of fairy tales she begins to write. It's a way to shove her daily life into a manageable container and keep herself from panic attacks that visit her frequently. It's her lifeline. She keeps it a secret, morphing herself into a princess, her problems into dragons, her life into a fairy world, inventing mythical ways to get her out of where she's at. 

As she begins these stories, someone finally goes out of their way to know her. A boy named Brenden, who claims that he felt as though God told him to talk to her, because all she really needed was someone to care. And although the idea of a loving God appeals to her, it sounds too much like a fairy tale and she knows from personal experiences that fairy tales never come true. 

Although she's never been healthy, after receiving the news of her dad's release from prison, her health rapidly declines, beginning to manifest itself in symptoms that leave her unable to even walk. Doctor after doctor after specialist draw up short in diagnosing her and she begins to wonder what the point is if she's so messed up that even doctors can't figure her out. Where is the god Brenden keeps talking about? 

Finished!

Here's to the memories. These are my souvenirs....I close my eyes and go back in time. I can see you smiling. You're so alive....Nothing lasts forever.     ~Souvenirs by: Switchfoot

 I guess I probably should let you know that I've finished Dawn. This book marked a couple of milestones in my author journey.

1. I officially went insane on this book and talked to the characters. They haunted me and ignored me and got mad at me and talked to me. 
2. At 254 pages and 68,264 words, it's the longest book I've ever written by more than two times. 

My characters came alive and I love them to death. I almost cried killing Chris in the beginning and as much as I enjoyed writing this story, I was tortured along with Ray and Aura. I'm sorry, both of you. I love you, if that helps anything. And I'll miss you. 

View my synopsis here. 

If you're interested in reading it, comment and I'll send it to you. I need help editing. Major help. :) 

Farther along we'll know all about it. Farther along we'll understand why....We'll understand this all by and by.... I wondered why the good man cried, the bad man thrived.      ~ Farther Along by: Josh Garrels

Winner!

I've officially reached 60,000 words! I've got 220 pages and 76 chapters. My characters are officially grating on my nerves and I hope to finish Dawn by this weekend. Wish me luck!

The Hidden Side of Minors

I never knew there was so much of a story behind Adam. He was sort of a flat-ish, side character who was sort of there for moral support for my main character. He never talked to me. He was supposed to be the love interest which never really ended up working...

But then I asked him to tell his testimony to Ray, who's being seriously stubborn about God. And the floodgates opened. I got nearly 400 words of his testimony. The things you learn by asking...

We can all learn from Fairytales

Isn't this an awesome poster? I LOVE it. 

My opinion is you're never too old for a good old-fashioned fairytale. Ella watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time and as I was watching it with her, I noticed some things that interested me. The thing about children's stories and fairytales, is that they're simplified enough that it paints a perfect picture of a good storyline. The plot twists might be easy to predict and the dialogue may be cliche, but underneath all that is a solid story. 

Couple good points to notice: 

Sacrificial main character: 
In the beginning Belle gives herself up for her father and stays with the Beast while her father goes free. It makes her loveable. You look up to her and admire her for her courage.

The love interest's flaw: 

I'm struggling with this one. Every character should have some sort of flaw. Yes, even the love interest. You don't want him/her to be perfect. People are more attracted to people who aren't perfect. Ever read a book where there's a perfect character and it totally ticks you off? This movie did a cool twist with having the love interest also be a villain of sorts. 

The love interest's endearing nature: 

Look how cute he is! Is it just me, or is he better as a beast, than a prince? As flawed as the love interest might be, give him/her something to love. Because you want your reader to fall in love with them just like your main character. 

A hateable villain:

I don't think there's anyone who doesn't find Gaston's conceited nature annoying. Often it's good to give your villain a good trait too. Supposedly, he's dashingly handsome (kind of hard to tell for a cartoon,) but that fact is overruled by his total obsession with himself.

A believable love story: 

Belle begins off by hating the beast for keeping her at the castle. But as time goes on and he tries to be a gentleman, and she begins to see things in him. After him yelling at her a couple of times, and her running off and him saving her life, etc, she begins to fall in love.

The Beast knew from the beginning that she may be the one to break the curse. He's watching her and he feels something come over him and he wants to do something for her. So, he gives her his library. And eventually she teaches him thing, manners, how to read, how to feed birds without scaring them off. And he begins to fall in love.

Have you ever watched  this movie? Anything else stand out to you?