Understand

Sorry for that delay. I think part of my problem for this post is that it's so difficult to put in words what I'm feeling right now. A lot of you writers know this: that words are so inadequate to get a feeling across. But I'll try, so here goes...

I'm sure I'll never quite grasp the pain Bekah had to go through while battling Lyme. But I think I may be beginning to. I've intensively read most of her posts from the time of her diagnosis to the time of her healing and I've been putting my character into her situation. Now those insane writers out there know this, that characters are a part of your heart. Like your baby. Your word baby. So, putting her through this lets me grasp the pain and the heartache it took for Bekah to get through this. I'm drained from simply outlining this story and I haven't even started writing yet. I mean, I don't even know if I'd survive if I were put in her situation.

This is an amazing story and I just hope I end up telling it right. :)

I would suggest going to her blog, here, and reading her story.

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) starts at midnight tonight and I'm going to bed early (hopefully) and getting up at midnight to write like the wind. I'm ready to get all these stinkin' words out on the page. Wish me luck! :)

I'm going to try and figure out how to post a widget on the sidebar to track my progress as I enter it into NaNoWriMo.

Here's to NaNo!

Can't Kill Me

Pain

I’m gonna fight.

Pills for pain; pills to kill what’s killing me

Pain

I’m gonna fight

Inhaling hurts; exhaling hurts

Pain

I’m gonna fight

Can’t walk; can’t run; can’t barely eat

Pain

I’m gonna fight

I’m taking me back.

I’m gonna fight through the pain

Through the tears

Through the lonely

I’m gonna fight

Because it can’t kill me

Pain

Can’t kill me

Tears

Can’t kill me

Lonely

Can’t kill me

Pills

Can’t kill me

No matter how hard they try

Courage through pain

Finding me

Copyrighted to Hannah De

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry, everyone. I was supposed to post Saturday and I swear, I did try. I sat down twice to do it and got interrupted or...ahem...distracted. I'll try to post after my exam on Wednesday. Should be a slight rest after that!

Update: I'm just waiting until Saturday. I've got things to do. :) And it's so close. Until then!

Sunsets and Fairytales: Guest post by Annabelle Greyson

I used to watch the sun set over the mountains from the window of my dad's bedroom. It was the only room that had a window that faced the mountains. I knew he would explode if he found me there, but I couldn't help the hope that rose up in me when I watched the colors undulate across the ridge. I'd watch until that last piece of sun sunk behind the stones on top of the mountains. It was magical. I wondered if somewhere out in that vast expanse of forest and rocks, was a prince charming out there who would save me. I'd go over in my mind what princess I'd be. It grounded me to repeat the procedure in my mind. It was something familiar. 

Sleeping Beauty was surrounded by a brier of thorns to keep out of evil. What would I have given for that kind of protection. 

Snow White was kind to everyone. I'd never been given the chance to be kind to everyone. No one was ever kind to me. Dad told me I was disobedient and in my mind that was the opposite of kind, so that discounted Snow White. 

Cinderella's father died. As cruel and gruesome as it sounded, I used to wish I had that kind of luck. 

Belle's father loved her. And she loved him. The only similarity was the dead mother. I used to fantasize that maybe I could be Belle, since our names are similar. Annabelle and Belle. It made sense. But all too soon, I realized that my life was nothing like Belle's. Plus, she was beautiful, and all I heard every day was that I was ugly. 

I wished I had the courage to be the mermaid who ran away from her father and found the love of her life. She was who I aspired to, but never really thought I'd become. 

Rapunzel was the one I finally settled on every time. Because Rapunzel was trapped. Because Rapunzel had no way out of her life. And maybe someday I would get my wish. Maybe someday a prince would come and fall in love with me and rescue me. 

Sometimes I still do that, watch the mountains, while I'm too sick to move. I pull the hope out of that sight, even if I don't know where that hope comes from. I repeat the procedure in my mind. In some ways I still am trapped, but someone once told me to focus on the future and not dwell on the fact that I can't walk and that my Lyme keeps me from doing most things. I think of things I'm thankful for: 

- inspiration to write

- Brenden - my prince :) 

- my mom

- church - even if I don't believe in God yet, that place always gives me peace when my anxiety gets the better of me. 

- blogging

- fairy tales

I make the list longer and longer and push out the things that make me panic. It's going to be okay. 

 Brenden gave me a plaques saying this for Christmas one year and I hold onto it... Never too late.

This life would kill me if I didn't have you. Couldn't live without you, baby. Wouldn't want to.                                                                                                                                                                                        If I didn't have You by: Thompson Square

~ Annabelle Greyson

Note: These ideas are copyrighted to Hannah De. Thanks!

Spoons...

Spoons? Well...that doesn't make sense, does it? Spoons... You're probably trying to follow my train of thought and are thinking I've finally gone batty. (Well, maybe I have a little, but that's beside the point.) This spoon thing I'm talking about is totally legitimate. 

Here's the link, since it says at the end that I'm not allowed to replicate it or anything of the sort: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Read it. Lyme disease is one of those chronic illnesses where this is relevant. It accurately depicts the strength required for those chronically ill.

Same status on Lyme-Aid: Once Upon a Fantasy as I have decided to call it unless a better suggestion rides past my brain. Still working on an outline and filling in spots between my known scenes.

And the hardest part was letting go. Not taking part was the hardest part...I could feel it go down, bittersweet. I could taste in my mouth, silver lining the cloud...I wish that I could work it out... Everything I do, it's just come undone. And everything is torn apart.                                                                                              -The Hardest Part by: Coldplay 

P.S. I'll have you know this was published on Saturday. Two minutes before midnight. :)

Book covers

Swing left. Swing right. Bruised and black-eyed. Half alive. Bleeding. Choking. But not broken inside. Somehow through it all I'll stand still undefeated...You can knock me down with body blows, but you cannot break my hope.                                                                                                                                                          ~Undefeated by: Daughtry 

I'm working on an outline for this story at the moment. My mom bought Scrivener, so...yay! I'm preparing for NaNoWriMo. I'm going to attempt to do the 50,000 word goal, which will only work if I can't get stuck. Thus, the outline. Last year I wrote half that, so....yeah. We'll see how that goes with college and all. Wish me luck.

I don't have a ton to post on, since I haven't had a lot of time to write. :'( Sometimes I don't like growing up.

A thought, before I go: One thing I've been noticing about writing this book is the power of names. The lies my character believes are solely based on names she's been called in her past. People tend to slap a word on your forehead before they've even met you. Everyone has been called a name. Whether it be good or bad. It affects the way we think about ourselves.

I'm going to post a bunch of book covers and you can vote on which ones you like in a poll I'll put to the side. I know a lot of them are the same-ish. Comment and tell me why you picked which ones you picked. :)

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